Learning about the betrayal of your partner is often a devastating experience, leaving you both emotionally and biologically impacted. The impact is often worse if that betrayal involves ongoing sexual addiction.
Are you feeling angry one second, and frightened the next? Do you find yourself blanking out, and forgetting simple things? Are you wondering if you’re making things up? Do you wonder if all of this is your fault? Do you feel “crazy”? If this sounds at all like you, I want you to know that I can help you make sense of what happened.
I know the pain you are enduring feels unbearable, even excruciating. Many women who have been betrayed by a partner feel embarrassed and ashamed, and because of this they feel isolated and alone, unable to confide even in their closest friends.
There’s something I want you to hear. You are not alone! I strongly believe that the help and validation you need can only come from a fellow traveler—someone who has gone through a similar crisis. I know this journey well because I’ve walked it myself, and have found my way out of the effects of ongoing sexual deception from partner(s) (what many refer to as sexual addiction).
You don’t need to make the decision to leave or stay right now but you do need to have the following validated:
You are not crazy! What you may be experiencing involves psychological, emotional and cognitive (neurological) responses. The following is a list of common responses when one has experienced a significant crisis:
- Cognitive deficits involving memory issues
- Generalized anxiety and fear (hyperarousal)
- Feelings of depression with difficulty maintaining everyday tasks (hypoarousal)
- The need to perseverate on the “what ifs” and the “what might have happened,” which can include snooping (his social media, emails, cell phone, pockets)
- Food disturbances (lack of appetite/over-eating)
- Emotional “hangovers” (may feel very similar to an alcohol-related hangover)
- “Interrogating” your partner in order to feel safe.
Some steps you can take right now:
- Don’t feel compelled to make a decision about staying or leaving. Take your time (as long as you’re safe)
- Get at least 8 hours of sleep per night
- Maintain a reasonable exercise routine
- Meditate every morning
I have considerable professional practice working with clients experiencing a range of experiences related to partner betrayal. In addition to my formal education, I have also completed specialized training through the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). I look forward to offering you hope for healing as you regain your emotional, spiritual and physical well being.
Links & Resources
Partner Betrayal Trauma – In Suggested Reading Order
Kimmy’s MUST Read! 5 eBook Series. Download for 19.95 from Posarc
eBook1: Discovery, eBook2: Post-Discovery Hidden Sexual Behaviors, eBook3: Boundaries, eBook4: Recovering from Infidelity, eBook5: The Betrayer’s Obligations -by Lili Bee
chumplady.com – is a blog written by a lady much like myself, she has a spicy attitude, salty language, and hopefully CL will help you laugh at the unlaughable. My hope is that you realize you are not alone in the insanity one feels when “chumped by a cake-eater.”
Sexually Addicted Spouse – by Barbara Steffens
Why Does He Do That – by Lundy Bancroft
Healing from Hidden Abuse – by Shannon Thomas
Intimate Deception – by Sheri Keffer
Should I Stay or Should I Go – by Lundy Bancroft
The Language of Emotions – by Karla McLaren
Boundaries After Pathological Relationship – by Adelyn Birch
The Betrayal Bond – by Partrick Carnes
Don’t Call it Love – by Patrick Carnes
Character Disturbance: The Phenomena of Our Age – by Dr. George Simon
Podcasts – In Suggested Listening Order
Betrayal Recovery Radio – APSATS
Helping Couples Heal – (KIMMY’S MUST LISTEN) #7 interview with Omar Minwalla
Sexual Addiction – Carol the Coach
Websites – Not In Any Particular Order
Note: Not responsible for the content, claims or representations of the listed sites.