Partner Betrayal & Resources

Betrayal trauma cuts deep—emotionally and biologically. If you’ve discovered your partner’s infidelity, especially when it involves compulsive sexual behavior or addiction, you may feel like the ground beneath you has shattered. One moment you’re angry, the next you’re frozen with fear. You might find yourself forgetting things, questioning your reality, or wondering if you’re somehow to blame. If any of this feels familiar, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not crazy, and you’re not alone.

Many women feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid to talk about what they’re going through—even with their closest friends. But isolation only deepens the pain. Healing begins when your experience is understood and validated by someone who truly gets it.

I know this because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to feel emotionally wrecked by deception, to doubt yourself, and to wonder how you’ll ever trust again. And I also know that healing is absolutely possible.

You don’t have to decide today whether to stay or leave. What you do need is safety, support, and someone who can help you start to make sense of the chaos. The effects of betrayal trauma are real—and they show up in the body, brain, and nervous system. Some common symptoms include:

      • Trouble concentrating or remembering things
      • Emotional “whiplash” (swinging between numbness and overwhelm)
      • Anxiety, hypervigilance, or a sense of dread
      • Depression, apathy, or feeling like you can’t keep up with daily life
      • Food and sleep disturbances
      • Obsessive thoughts, checking behaviors, or a need to “interrogate” for safety
      • Feeling emotionally hungover, even without drinking

These aren’t signs that you’re weak. They’re trauma responses.

Here are a few gentle things you can start doing right now to support your nervous system and reclaim a sense of stability:

  • Take the pressure off.You don’t have to make any big decisions today. Safety and clarity come first.
  • Prioritize rest.Your body and brain are in recovery mode—aim for 7–9 hours of sleep when you can, even if that means naps or quiet time.
  • Move your body gently.A short walk, stretching, or swaying to music can help shift the stuck energy without overwhelming you.
  • Practice presence.Try a few minutes of mindfulness or a morning meditation to help anchor you in the now. No perfection required.
  • Breathe on purpose.Square breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) can calm your system. [YouTube has great guides if you want support.]
  • Stay hydrated.A person cannot heal on caffeine alone. Water supports your brain, mood, and energy—drink up.
  • Write it down.Journaling can help make sense of the chaos. Don’t worry about grammar—just let it out.
  • Reach out.Call or text someone safe—even if your voice shakes. Connection is a lifeline. You don’t have to do this alone.

And one more thing that’s really important: If you decide to work with a therapist, make sure they are trained in betrayal trauma. Well-meaning but untrained professionals can unintentionally cause harm or retraumatize you by missing the dynamics at play. This isn’t just “marriage trouble.” It’s complex trauma, and it deserves to be treated that way.

As a therapist trained through APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), and personally trained by both Dr. Omar Minwalla and Barb Steffens—two pioneers in the field—I specialize in working with betrayal trauma from both a clinical and lived perspective. My role isn’t to rush you through it—but to walk beside you as you find your own way back to clarity, strength, and peace.

You can heal. Not only heal—but grow. This pain doesn’t define you. And I’d be honored to help you remember your worth and rebuild your world.

The Resources That Helped Me Not Lose My Sh*t 

Books, Podcasts & More (Everything Blue is Clickable)

Partner Betrayal Trauma: Truth, Tears, Laughter & Tools: Betrayal Support Links

Kimmy’s MUST Read! 5 eBook Series. Download for $19.95 from Posarc: eBook1: Discovery, eBook2: Post-Discovery Hidden Sexual Behaviors, eBook3: Boundaries, eBook4: Recovering from Infidelity, eBook5: The Betrayer’s Obligations -by Lili Bee

Blogs

chumplady.com –“Written by a woman after my own heart. When you’ve been ‘chumped by a cake-eater,’ you don’t need ‘everything happens for a reason’ nonsense — you need someone who can call out the mindf*ckery, make you laugh at your life unraveling like a slow-motion train wreck, and drop the f-bombs you’re too polite to say out loud. This blog is that gift.”

Psychopaths and Love “A powerful resource for understanding the devastation of relationships with psychopaths (now referred to as Anti-Social Personality disorder) and how to begin healing from the emotional and Psychological wounds they leave behind.” 

Betrayal Trauma Book List (with links)

See the bluish – green text? That means it’s an Amazon link. If you buy something, I may earn a small commission — with zero extra cost to you — and it helps me keep building this resource (and fueling my coffee habit) for those who need it.”

 Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People by Jackson MacKenzie. “Of all the books I’ve read, this one made the biggest impact.”

Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Your True Self After Toxic Relationships And Emotional Abuse –  by Jackson MacKenzie.  Written by the same author as the book above. “This one guides you on what to do next in your healing journey.”

Sexually Addicted Spouse – by Barbara Steffens.  “You are not crazy. You are traumatized — and you can heal. I was personally trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens, and this book continues to be one of the most powerful tools I recommend.”  

Why Does He Do That – by Lundy Bancroft.   “Understanding the mindset of abusive men — and reclaiming your power.”

In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People – by Dr. George Simon.  “Unmasking covert manipulators — teaches you how to protect yourself and also a book that finally explains subtle manipulation, gaslighting, and hidden aggression  — so you can trust your instincts again.”

Healing from Hidden Abuse – by Shannon Thomas.   “When Psychological abuse is hidden, the trauma is real. This book gently guides you  through the recovery process with validation and clarity.” 

Intimate Deception – by Sheri Keffer. “One of my most recommended resources for betrayal trauma, it includes some religious content, but even those who aren’t religious find the insights incredibly helpful.”

The Language of Emotions – by Karla McLaren.  “Emotions aren’t the problem – not knowing what they’re trying to tell you is this book helps you finally make sense of your emotional world.” 

Boundaries After Pathological Relationship – by Adelyn Birch. “Reclaiming your boundaries after manipulation isn’t just part of healing – it’s essential to fully restoring your safety and sense of self. This clear compassionate guide shows you how.”

The Betrayal Bond – by Partrick Carnes. “Breaking free from trauma bonds is one of them hardest – and most importance steps in healing. This book shows you how.”

Don’t Call it Love – by Patrick Carnes.  “When love becomes entangled with addiction and betrayal, this book offers clear, compassionate guidance for understanding, and breaking free.”

Podcasts

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries –Victoria Priya (formerly Vicki Tidwell Palmer)

Helping Couples Heal – (KIMMY’S MUST LISTEN) — #7: An incredible interview with Dr. Omar Minwalla — highly recommended.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery  – “A trauma – informed podcast, providing education, validation, and support for partners impacted by betrayal, trauma, and emotional abuse.”

Sexual Addiction – Carol the Coach 

Informative Websites

Posarc  “A trauma-informed, partner-centered resource offering education, support, and advocacy for those navigating the impact of sexual betrayal and addiction.”

The Institute for Sexual Health  “Finally, a treatment model developed by Dr. Omar Minwalla that fully recognizes the trauma of sexual betrayal — offering partner-sensitive care, education, and clinical resources.”

Note: Not responsible for the content, claims or representations of the listed sites.

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